that's an acceptable place to lick
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
