Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
