the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
