i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
should my penis look like a turkey
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
