there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
