I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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