I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
