I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
