i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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