I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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