I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
