It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
