i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
