My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
