That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
