The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
