This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
