based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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