like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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