i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
