That's intense
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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