My liver just broke up with me...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
