Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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