Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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