Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize