You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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