I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
