Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
