I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
