can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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