She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
