So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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