Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
