Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
