i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
