The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
