You made me cry and you don't even care
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
