who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize