I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
