i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
this hospital has no fireball
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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