I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
