don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
