there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
