i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
