my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
