end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
