did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
