If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize