Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
