I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
