Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
