No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
