We're facebook friends in real life
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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