Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
