pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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