My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
