Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize