well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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