I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
did i walk over a car last night?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
