Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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