I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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