Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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