we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize