I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
