you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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