My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
