I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
