Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
