it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
