Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
