Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
