The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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