i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
