I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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