Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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