If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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