The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
