I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
