What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize