Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
