You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
