drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
