I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
