I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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