Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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