You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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