I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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