Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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