And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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