There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
