All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
