is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
