You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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