she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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