It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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