I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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