we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
