I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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