Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
