just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
