You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize