Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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