It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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