Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
