did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
