i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize