Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
