She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
