Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
