I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
