he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
