Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
