I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
