the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize