dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
