I just threw up on my dentist
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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