You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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