I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
