What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
