You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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