You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize