there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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