and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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