Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
handjob tips. give me some.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just gift wrapped bread.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
