did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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